Since I put the blog up earlier today, I’ve received a lot of emails. I wanted to share one with you as well as add some commentary about it. I did want to add that I have received this person’s permission to post this email (without their identity).

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Greetings,

I’ve just read your latest post on your Station blog and I’ve found it really quite interesting. It’s nice to hear the thoughts on social aspects of online gaming, considering yours and SOE’s position in the online gaming industry and I’m really glad to see a responsible father.

I live in Greece and, unfortunately, the vast majority of parents are technologically illiterate. The fact that broadband connectivity was quite delayed in Greece (and still at a considerably high cost) attributed to the inexperience of the average family with the Internet, thus creating a great chasm between parents who are afraid of using technology and children or teens who are eager to explore the prospects of modern communications. As to this, parents rarely bother trying to inspect or understand what their kids actually do when they spend time online.

What compelled me to write to you was your idea of e-mailing the chat logs of their kids and my objection to it. I am not a father but I understand that parents are very worried about their kids safety (which is justifiable, of course), however we should consider the side-effects of such an action.

The feelings of the child should be taken into account, when he knows that his actions are monitored by their parents in such an invasive fashion, as they do need their own space of privacy. More importantly, a kid needs to learn to build its own communication skills in the Internet as much as in real life. When they know they’re being monitored, they feel that they are restricted and cannot express themselves sincerely.

That situation may create insecurities towards social interaction over the Internet. Even more seriously, could it stand as an obstacle in parent-child communication?

What I really liked in your post and what I consider a sign of very good parenting is that your daughter immediately came to talk to you on her own will (and in a way she has learnt to deal with a problem, even if the solution means calling an adult for help). She behaved in a very responsible manner and she wasn’t ashamed to talking to you about that incident, i.e. there were no feelings of guilt. What I wonder is if actively monitoring a kid’s chat log would actually have the opposite effect, causing them guilt for their actions. Because that’s what I see in a lot of families here in Greece, children who are afraid to talk about a problem in their personal lives, especially when they feel their parents are too invasive or judgmental. Even if they’re not the ones at fault, they feel guilty and afraid of any consequences when a parent finds out.

In any case, I hope that, as a firm, you continue to examine new ways of improving the safety of your games for the younger audiences, however I really hope that you take my thoughts on the side effects it could have on a kid’s social skills under consideration.

Best regards,

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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Here are some excerpts from my response:

Dear XXXXXXXX,

Thanks for taking the time to both read the blog and write me this email. It’s through dialogue like this that we’re going to come to some kind of consensus on the right way to go about making kids safe online.

I have to say that I am on the fence about the idea of emailing chat logs myself. I can say with absolute certainty that I would use it for my 11 year old and my 9 year old. When my son is 14 would I?

Probably not.

At some point there has to be an element of trust in that relationship. As a parent I absolutely have to raise my kids right and instill them with the right values and make sure that they are equipped to spot the dangers of the online world themselves.

What I would use this tool for is to help them spot dangers that they may not realize right now. I can’t possibly cover every situation in my conversations with my daughter. I also can’t be there to see every word she types in. Until I’ve seen more examples of questionable behavior reading an email log would help me spot stuff I need to point out to her.

Smed